BabyKat turns 3!

This blog is in terrible need of an update, I KNOW! So here's the most important one so far in the last few months - our celebration of Kat's 3 years in heaven!

Josh was with us because we needed to take him to the doctor for his cough, so he took a day off from school. Mika was sick so we just vibered her photos from the cemetery. We just spent an hour eating Wendy's burgers with 2 fat cats. We were pleased to find the Mommy Cat with a broken tail with another cat that looks exactly like her (her baby, now all grown up.) That darn cat sits with us every time we're in the cemetery because she knows we're suckers, and we give her all our food, and that day she had company. So most of our burgers went to them. Yup, watta party haha!

Sometimes I can't believe it's been 3 years. Time really does heal all wounds. A lot of parents would probably say "I think of my lost child everyday", but honestly, with the hustle and bustle of life, she comes to mind only every few days. When I hear a certain song, or when there's a long stoplight, or I see other 3 year-olds running around driving their parents crazy. When I read articles or blogs about breast-feeding, that brings me back a lot to the time right after we lost her, but not her in particular. Some special places or songs that were related to her have taken on a different meaning, and are now more related to current events in my life. 

Kat seems to be nowhere, yet still everywhere at the same time. It just needs to take a few minutes of silence, away from work, the kids, their school, friends, for it all to come back. It really is a bittersweet thing, to remember someone you loved so much, yet to miss them. To miss even the possibility of the life you could have had together. Yet life doesn't wait for you - it just keeps pushing you forward. I think it's safe to say that, if you're anything like me, totally imperfect in raising my kids, you would still miss the child that should have been there, and wonder what could have been. She should have been here, driving me crazy right now! 

In the 3 years that she has gone, I would like to report that a. I have not improved as a mother, but b. in general, I think I have become a nicer person. I cannot speak for Just on that one, haha, but my actions are more guarded since Kat passed away. It's always "What would Kat think if I did this? She freakin' sees everything!" Wouldn't want her shaking her head in Heaven going "Tsk, tsk, WTF Mom?" Though my total overall hovering and care of her sister and brother is a total fail and they live off spaghetti, burgers, and all things canned, in retrospect, I am more careful of how I treat people. Without a doubt, that has changed for me forever. Not to say that I am the nicest person, but I am DEFINITELY more afraid of someone above. You'd think that it would be God, but nope, I'm afraid of my daughter!

I have had few heartbreaks in this beautiful life of mine, and I would have to say (and I think I speak for Just too when I say this), losing Kat was (and is) the greatest heartbreak of all that we will never fully recover from. It's been 3 years of seeing her beautiful face, and we will always celebrate that, however bittersweet. Happy birthday Baby Dragon! Always always always.