Mel and the New Normal

Earlier this evening, I was feeling a little sad (I know, I'm so emo, you can probably tell from this blog).   It really came out of nowhere -- I was working on payslips with Itunes on my Mac, and the song "We are Young" (the Glee version) came on, and it reminded me of last Christmas, when I was driving alone in my car and the song was playing, and I thought I could possibly be pregnant. See, almost everything is a trigger for me, haha. Anyways, the song got all me sad and quiet, and I went to lie down for a while. J noticed the sudden change, left the room, and came back with the 2 kids. And 2 puppies. Then had the kids climb on top of me on the bed. Then dumped the puppies on my head. (My husband, thru almost 15 years of being together, knows what distracts me). Alas, the puppy and kids dumping was not enough tonight (and the fur was making my cough worse), and the kids were eventually called off by their yaya for dinner. J took the puppies down and invited me to vis...

Oddly enough, my first donation wasn’t the hardest. Perhaps we were still in shock.. The emotional pain of pumping would come much later on, after the funeral, when we were back home. It was in the silence of our room that I would question my ability to push through with our promise. But on the first 3 days, it was a routine and a goal that diverted our attention temporarily. Actually, I’m not even sure if the first “bag” was brought to the NICU. It was around 3AM when I handed it to the nurse and asked her to bring it there, but only God knows if it got there since I didn’t inform my doctors that I was donating. So no one expected anything from me at that point. I remember the first time I pumped, so vividly, because it was the first time I was awake and lucid, without anyone to talk to.  It was the night Kat passed away,.  The past 24 hours before that, I was in and out from the anesthesia. I was nauseous when I was awake, but very aware every time J wo...