I Can’t Believe I’m Blogging Again. Because I Dislike Bloggers.

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I Can’t Believe I’m Blogging Again. Because I Dislike Bloggers.

Just a day or two ago, I told my friends that I dislike bloggers. (Dislike being a conservative word.)

Well, not all bloggers. Just some. I actually used to blog, right after college. This was shortly after my dad passed away, and I was facing life after college. But when I realized my clients were reading my blog, knew too much details, I became wary. I stopped. Five years later, a client mentioned that she found my old blog. I immediately deactivated the blog — I realized my 20 year old thoughts were not something I wanted my work world to see. It seems that after meeting the real world, I realized that I didn’t want everyone to know where I go, what my kids looked like, my opinions. In fact, due to the nature of my work, apparently, I am not entitled to opinions about food, restaurants, etc. It didn’t seem to make sense to critique anything if I/We could’t do a better job, right? 

I also didn’t like the concept of clients using my blog to air complaints about my staff, my company. It never happened, but after a few years in the business, I felt it would come to that. It’s not that I minded complaints and feedback — I welcome it, and try to handle it to the best of my ability. But there’s something bothering about airing your personal, private life, your children—- then being hit back with something related to work. And there are people who just can’t resist. This made me cautious. I can’t control every single action our staff does in the events that we do everyday, nor the actions of all my supplier and talent’s staffs. We try, but we just can’t. And the thought of complaints being posted on my personal blog really bothers me. 

Which brings me to the reason why I dislike some bloggers. Don’t get me wrong. I read blogs everyday. But I have received so many emails and texts that go “I’m a blogger, so please please give me this for free” or “I’m a blogger so you’d better get ready, that’s where I’ll get my revenge if my event isn’t over and above what I paid for.” That’s not fair to our company, and my other clients who pay good money. You shouldn’t get more than they do just because you hold the threat of “blogger” above my head. If you have a fair complaint,  if you want to negotiate, feel free to do it in the privacy of our own emails. I have a lot of amazing blogger clients who don't even mention that they blog, and they have become my good friends in the past few years. 

I ate a piece of glass in a restaurant last November 1, but I didn’t bash that restaurant online. My husband was furious and demanded to speak with the cook in charge. But when we went home, that was it. We didn’t even say anything in facebook to  bring the restaurant down — it is one of my favorites. It was a mistake, and everyone makes mistakes. I feel like some people try to take advantage by pushing the “blogger” name in the emails. And sometimes, apologies are not enough. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to apologize for something that we didn’t do. But some bloggers really don’t care and just want to rant and rant online, without thinking about consequences. It gives the term “blogger” such a negative connotation. So if you’re one of those people, please just contact me at my work email. This is not the proper space for this, and I appreciate that you will respect that.

So why am I blogging again, you ask?

Our family has been through a rough year. 2012 was not the year we thought it would be. Our baby daughter died 1 day after she was born from a congenital defect. I will go into more detail eventually (as this is actually what the blog is really about). 

Anyways, in the months leading to her birth, we knew that chances are, she would not survive. Yet we tried our best to research, find the best doctors. I spent countless nights searching online for support groups, talking to parents from Canada, US, Europe. I read all the blogs of parents who went through the same thing we went through. I read the blogs of families with surviving babies. I read blogs of families who lost their babies. From those blogs, I knew what to expect. However, I could never completely relate. Those countries had the medical equipment and support groups our country doesn’t have. 

I could not find a single support group for parents who lost their children to congenital defects. Or a support group for those who lost their children, period. I wasn’t sure who doctors to contact (thank god our OB helped us with this). We weren’t sure  if we should leave the country to get help abroad. How much would it cost? Would it make it worse? And if she died, how would we go about it? How do we survive? What about our children, how would they take the news?

So many questions. No answers. Even now.

Our daughter passed away July 30. It is now November 4. Three months, yet it feels like yesterday. If it’s possible, this has been both the longest and shortest year of our lives. An oxymoron.

In all the blogs I’ve read about CDH (congenital diaphragmatic hernia), all the parents talk about “the new normal”. It refers to your life, right after a life-changing event. A lot of people used this term after 911. For CDH parents, whether their baby lives or dies, their lives are never the same. They learn to adjust to the new normal of their life.

This is my new normal. 

The blog will have a lot of information about CDH, Makati Med, doctors, information about premies, etc. I’m hoping someone out there, who loses their baby or child, for any reason, comes across this, so that they do not feel like they are alone. Infant loss is not as rare as it seems. Please feel free to ask me anything thru email or comments. 

You are not alone. My blog will not just revolve around our loss. It will be about life, and living. It will be about struggles. It will be about complete happiness, which I hope to find my way back to someday. There will be no ranting — only raves, if any. I will share parts of my life,  happy moments and great finds. Friends, family, my children, and my wonderful husband. Because I want to show that if I can find my way back to a new kind of normal, if I find it --- you can too. If I can casually talk about a great restaurant (which I couldn’t even bother with the first few months), perhaps you will too, eventually.

If you’re just a regular reader, then God Bless you for finding this and I hope you enjoy reading my “normal” posts anyways.

So welcome to our normal. I hope to rid myself of blogging hang-ups, since making my personal life open for dissection is something I have avoided for a long time. But I hope opening it up helps someone out there. And helps me too, as well, as I try to heal with my family.