The Past Few Months.
Transferred from tumblr. Original interview HERE.
b) to whom do you donate - is it a direct donation?
Makati Medical Center has been wonderful to us, so I knew that no matter what the outcome of our situation, my milk would go to their NICU. Our OB, Dra. Arlene Bravo, and Neonat, Dra. Martinez, have been so incredibly supportive the whole time. So weekly, we visit Makati Med NICU to drop off the frozen milk. Dra. Martinez shares the milk with other hospitals and doctors who urgently need the milk. They text me the names of the babies, and update me on their growth, etc. I was able to donate to other babies, whose family or friends I met thru Human Milk for Babies (Philippines). All in all, about 10 babies have been receiving my milk in the last 2 months.
c) do you have any plans? up to when?
Sharing the milk has been my saving grace thru this loss. If I could continue doing this for a year, I would. I think that it might be too difficult to let go if I keep at it too long though, so I promised one of my best friends (who is on her 5th month of pregnancy) that when she needs the pump, Ill give it to her.
d) when and why did you decide to donate?
My daughter was diagnosed with congenital diaphragmatic hernia on the 5th month of our pregnancy, during our congenital anomaly scan. The prognosis was not good, but we wanted to continue with the pregnancy and give her the best chances possible. From research, we knew that if she made it past the first few hours, it could take months before she could leave the incubator and directly breastfeed, so we bought an excellent electric pump from BabyMama. We promised our baby that even if she didn’t make it, we would commit to donating milk to give other babies a chance.
Katherine Ryu was born on July 29, 2012, at 37 weeks. She gave out 5 small cries. She was beautiful, she was perfect. As we had begged in our prayers for the last months of our pregnancy, she survived the first few seconds, first few hours, until she reached her first full day. Her lungs and heart started to fail shortly after her operation, and after several attempts, the doctors asked if they should stop resuscitation. Our family was with us as we said our last goodbye in the privacy of MMCs breastfeeding room.
My milk came in the night she died. So even before we left the hospital, we were able to donate colostrum to the NICU.
When we got home, I got a better feel that I could do it (I wasn’t so sure if I would have the willpower while I was still pregnant). After a week or so, I ordered more items from BabyMama so that the experience would be easier – the Wish Bra, the BabyMama bag with insulated cooler, more milk bags (I was going thru the bags faster than I thought). Until now, I bring the bag with me to events, and pump in the car. I’m actually very irritable if I can’t pump, since my supply is so important!
Sometimes, at 3 in the morning, I wonder what I’m doing and if I should keep going. It’s very difficult to be alone, pumping, and thinking about our baby Kat, that she should be with us. The first few weeks were incredibly difficult because we missed our baby so much. But what got us thru where the text messages from the doctors and families who update us on the growth of the babies, and messages that the babies are finally going home to their families. It’s a validation that life is not completely unfair, and that somehow, thru the milk that was meant for her, Kat is in all the babies that received her milk.
e) do you have advice for moms who have experienced their babies’ loss?
It’s very rare that parents knows in advance that their baby might not live. In our case, we had 3-4 months to prepare ourselves, which removed the shock factor, but didn’t lessen the pain. Not all bereaved mothers consider donating their milk because they’re still in so much grief. There’s also not a lot of support groups online in the Philippines that guide parents on their loss, or what to do with themselves after. So most of the moms just let the milk dry up.
I would strongly, strongly suggest trying to donate breastmilk though. It’s a bittersweet experience, but it gives you a reason to get up instead of just wallowing in the grief. If not for pumping, I would have just stayed in bed for weeks, crying. But there were other babies who needed help, and it gave me motivation to move forward. It was also therapeutic, to deliver the milk, and to see the other babies in the NICU growing, and knowing that we helped them. I could go on and on about how helpful it was, and how it continues to help me until now. The loss of a baby throws off your perception of the world, because babies are not supposed to die. But the experience of donating breast milk has been a great help to us during this time.
The Past Few Months.
I did an online interview a few months back with MiAnn of Babymama, who supplied me my breastmilk pump. It’s a short account of the past few months of our life, and I will go into it in detail eventually. I hope to also raise awareness on the importance of donating breastmilk. So many families are in such desperate need for donations. I’ll have several separate entries on this. I was initially apprehensive about talking about this. I was even more hesitant to do the tv interview that followed. But after a few months of meeting with the parents who needed the milk, I realized that we had to be more pro-active about this, and make it more know that donating milk saves lives.
Below is the written interview:
Below is the written interview:
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| A few days worth of milk. A premie needs only about 5-10oz a day to survive. At most, I could pump 30 oz a day. Now, at 4 months, it ranges from 14-20oz. |
Melissa Menes ordered a breast pump from me while she was pregnant and due to give birth in a month’s time. Melissa also told me that she planned on donating her milk even if her baby was not expected to survive. I asked Mel if she can answer some questions so that her beautiful act of selflessness can be shared.
a) how much milk are you donating now? are you pumping every 3 hours?
In my 1st month, I used to be able to pump 20-25 oz a day. I had a cesarean delivery, so I was strictly working from home most of the time, except for weekends when I try to visit events (we own a catering and events coordination company.) Now on my 2nd month, I pump about 12-20 oz a day. I pump every 3 hours, but now that I’m back to working full time, I sometimes pump after 5 or 6 hours. Then when I’m back at home I pump every 3 hours again.
a) how much milk are you donating now? are you pumping every 3 hours?
In my 1st month, I used to be able to pump 20-25 oz a day. I had a cesarean delivery, so I was strictly working from home most of the time, except for weekends when I try to visit events (we own a catering and events coordination company.) Now on my 2nd month, I pump about 12-20 oz a day. I pump every 3 hours, but now that I’m back to working full time, I sometimes pump after 5 or 6 hours. Then when I’m back at home I pump every 3 hours again.
b) to whom do you donate - is it a direct donation?
Makati Medical Center has been wonderful to us, so I knew that no matter what the outcome of our situation, my milk would go to their NICU. Our OB, Dra. Arlene Bravo, and Neonat, Dra. Martinez, have been so incredibly supportive the whole time. So weekly, we visit Makati Med NICU to drop off the frozen milk. Dra. Martinez shares the milk with other hospitals and doctors who urgently need the milk. They text me the names of the babies, and update me on their growth, etc. I was able to donate to other babies, whose family or friends I met thru Human Milk for Babies (Philippines). All in all, about 10 babies have been receiving my milk in the last 2 months.
c) do you have any plans? up to when?
Sharing the milk has been my saving grace thru this loss. If I could continue doing this for a year, I would. I think that it might be too difficult to let go if I keep at it too long though, so I promised one of my best friends (who is on her 5th month of pregnancy) that when she needs the pump, Ill give it to her.
d) when and why did you decide to donate?
My daughter was diagnosed with congenital diaphragmatic hernia on the 5th month of our pregnancy, during our congenital anomaly scan. The prognosis was not good, but we wanted to continue with the pregnancy and give her the best chances possible. From research, we knew that if she made it past the first few hours, it could take months before she could leave the incubator and directly breastfeed, so we bought an excellent electric pump from BabyMama. We promised our baby that even if she didn’t make it, we would commit to donating milk to give other babies a chance.
Katherine Ryu was born on July 29, 2012, at 37 weeks. She gave out 5 small cries. She was beautiful, she was perfect. As we had begged in our prayers for the last months of our pregnancy, she survived the first few seconds, first few hours, until she reached her first full day. Her lungs and heart started to fail shortly after her operation, and after several attempts, the doctors asked if they should stop resuscitation. Our family was with us as we said our last goodbye in the privacy of MMCs breastfeeding room.
My milk came in the night she died. So even before we left the hospital, we were able to donate colostrum to the NICU.
When we got home, I got a better feel that I could do it (I wasn’t so sure if I would have the willpower while I was still pregnant). After a week or so, I ordered more items from BabyMama so that the experience would be easier – the Wish Bra, the BabyMama bag with insulated cooler, more milk bags (I was going thru the bags faster than I thought). Until now, I bring the bag with me to events, and pump in the car. I’m actually very irritable if I can’t pump, since my supply is so important!
Sometimes, at 3 in the morning, I wonder what I’m doing and if I should keep going. It’s very difficult to be alone, pumping, and thinking about our baby Kat, that she should be with us. The first few weeks were incredibly difficult because we missed our baby so much. But what got us thru where the text messages from the doctors and families who update us on the growth of the babies, and messages that the babies are finally going home to their families. It’s a validation that life is not completely unfair, and that somehow, thru the milk that was meant for her, Kat is in all the babies that received her milk.
e) do you have advice for moms who have experienced their babies’ loss?
It’s very rare that parents knows in advance that their baby might not live. In our case, we had 3-4 months to prepare ourselves, which removed the shock factor, but didn’t lessen the pain. Not all bereaved mothers consider donating their milk because they’re still in so much grief. There’s also not a lot of support groups online in the Philippines that guide parents on their loss, or what to do with themselves after. So most of the moms just let the milk dry up.
I would strongly, strongly suggest trying to donate breastmilk though. It’s a bittersweet experience, but it gives you a reason to get up instead of just wallowing in the grief. If not for pumping, I would have just stayed in bed for weeks, crying. But there were other babies who needed help, and it gave me motivation to move forward. It was also therapeutic, to deliver the milk, and to see the other babies in the NICU growing, and knowing that we helped them. I could go on and on about how helpful it was, and how it continues to help me until now. The loss of a baby throws off your perception of the world, because babies are not supposed to die. But the experience of donating breast milk has been a great help to us during this time.
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